Break Downs

Sorry I havent been blogging lately. I have stuff to blog about but I just couldnt. Wasnt in the right state of mind. So here we go.........

Brielle had the hernia surgery Feb 9 and came home SICK. It angered me ALOT since we shelter her as much as humanly possible so she doesnt get sick and miss out on holidays etc. and she needs to have a procedure and comes out of it sick. But whatever, life moves on Right?? I took her to the doctor after a week and they said its just a cold and if it doesnt improve within 10-14 days bring her back. Thursday was 14 days so I brought her in on Friday. Turns out she has her first ear infection. But Dr Kranik said his boy had 4 ear infections by the time he was Brielles age so shes doing pretty good. I didnt even think she had an ear infection because she showed no signs. I did mention it earlier in the week but that was it. He said shes a rockstar! We know! hehe

Now to my mental breakdown.....Tuesday we had speech therapy come in the morning and do a feeding on Brielle and she said her tongue was loosening great and flattening out like it should. GREAT! Then we had Occupational therapy come 2 hours later. Before they came I was cleaning and dumb me decided to spray that can air into my TV back to get all the dust I cant stand out! NOT A GOOD IDEA FYI! My TV threw a fireball out at me. I was so angry with myself for not thinking and I had Brielle in my arms which freaked me out the worst! Anyways move on!!! 10 min later OT showed up and started doing their evaluation on Brielle. Usually she focuses on Bri rolling over and sitting etc. Tuesday she was stuck on handing Brielle toys. She asked me if I noticed Brielle not using her left thumb. I said Uh No??? She said yes when she reaches with her right hand she hooks her thumb around the toy like she should be. When she reaches with her left hand she tucks the thumb under the toy and doesnt use it. GREAT was my first reaction. I immediately asked her if it had anything to do with her PVL lesions on her right side of her brain. The thing that we have been monitoring her for all along...Cerebal palsy. :( The words I didnt want to hear "YES" They watch her left side of her body so much because the lesions are on the right side of the brain which controls the left side of the body. I just couldnt take it. Im sure it was the whole TV thing and then the dreaded CP words but I couldnt handle it and spent the whole day bawling. I know and I tried to convince myself that she has it mildly and noone is even going to notice it unless I point it out but STILL! I dont want my child to be labeled as anything. And I shouldnt get too worked up because being a 24 weeker I KNEW from the start that there are potential problems. And my little miracle has overcome what alot of 24 weekers have not. I am on a board with other micro mamas and their little ones have feeding tubes and hearing aids and glasses and still on oxygen and we dont have any of that. I NEED TO COUNT MY BLESSINGS! Im done crying about it. It is what it is. I took one day off from being a strong mom and now Im back to reality. She is having us massage the fatty part below her thumb in hopes it will loosen up. If it doesnt she will be in a thumb splint. I guess if thats the worst thing that can happen then so be it! But I get very upset when people tell me that! I know its the truth but damnit Im a mom and I have the RIGHT to worry and be upset that my little girl has any sort of problem!

Okay Vent over...........!!

On a brighter (maybe sader) note....Brielle will be 9 months old Tuesday.......OMG!!

P.S. Brielle is 14.4lbs!!!!

Hernia Surgery

Brielle had her inguinal hernia repair surgery yesterday morning. Her surgery was at 7:15am and we had to be there at 6am. The poor girl couldnt eat anything past 12am. So I woke her at 11:35 and fed her a bottle and at 4:20am she was screaming in hunger! I felt sooooo bad as a mother!!! Bri doesnt understand that she cant have her bottle!!! I just couldnt wait til it was time to go. Daddy tried to soothe her but she wasnt having it!! So I decided it was time to head downstairs and PLAY! It worked!!!! Totally distracted her. She would start to whimper but then we would "change the subject." As soon as we knew it, it was 5:30 and ready to head to the hospital!! Of Course, she fell asleep in the car! We got there and was promptly taken back to prep her. Surgery started on time. and by 7:45am Dr Burkett was telling us she did amazing! He said there was a good size hernia sack so it was good we repaired it. They were now going to slowly wake her up. In 15-20 min we could see her. OKay so that was 7:47am when he left me. By 8:15 I was still WAITING! I was going insane!! All I could think of was that she wasnt waking up. I got up to look at the board thingy that tells you where her surgery progression is. Hers said PACU??? What ever the hell that means?!!? I was just going to go ask someone and the cellphone they give you RANG! Hallelujah! The magical words! "Shes ready for you to come back, shes just waking up." I quickly gathered up our stuff and dad and grandma Cindy and I ran back to our little peanut. One of the nurses was rocking her in their arms with some blow by oxygen but when she handed her to me they took it off her. She was starving so I fed her a bottle right away. She took the bottle, made alittle fuss, so we gave her some tylenol from the diaper bag and in 10 minutes she was back to HERSELF. She was smiling and giggling and talking up a storm!!!!!!!!!! I dont think this girl got the memo that she just had surgery!!! Needless to say (not that I need to say it, I think you get the drift) I WAS THRILLED!!! It was OVER! She did AMAZING! We were going HOME! My baby didnt even REMEMBER she had SURGERY! She was SMILING! She was TALKING to us!

We were supposed to be discharged and hour after her surgery, but that ended up being 3 hours. The Drs. one hour surgery turned into a 3 hour surgery. But you cant be mad at him!! They were SUPER nice about it!!! They gave us a $20 gift card to Target for waiting!! How cool is that!!??!!??

Today I went to work since its Valentines day and Im a florist. My mom watched Bri and said she was full of smiles!!! Back to her good ol' self! She is still pretty hoarse due to having to be intubated for the surgery as a precaution. But it should go away in time. She is currently sitting on dads lap getting a breathing treatment and SLEEPING! lol If only you could see it!!!!!

8 months old!

Brielle is 8 months old today (4mo 2wks adjusted)She weighs 13.4 pounds!! She is getting so fun!! I know I say that all the time but seriously I just love the time I spend with her!!She is developing such a personality its hilarious! She learned she can scream, and she uses it to her full advantage (aka get mom to do what Brielle wants her too). She is in her jumperoo right now and learning to use her legs to jump. Yesterday I looked at her and told her to say "mama" well she thought that was hilarious! She giggled and giggled it was sooo cute! She also started baby food! They had me start Oatmeal and/or rice cereal 2 weeks ago and told me to start baby food in a month but she got sick of the oatmeal too quick! I even added prune juice and oatmeal with apple or banana and nada. So I gave her some squash and she chowed about a half jar! She is doing so well with the feedings!

At our nephew, Fishers, Birthday party last weekend he had a balloon bouquet with a packer balloon, bday, and a solid gold star. Josh wrapped his present and had all red stars for him me and Brielle and a gold star for Ayden. At Christmas Fisher asked why Aydens name wasnt on his gifts. Hes 8. So Fisher took his gold star balloon and had everyone at the party write a message to Ayden and let it go. It was sooo very sweet for an 8 year old to have that kind of mind set! He was very emotional as well. Even my 4 year old nephew talks to him and knows Ayden lives in the sky. It just amazes me how we dont let his spirt die. Its been 8 months and I still remember the day like yesterday. I often look at my life and wonder what it would be like to have Ayden here. What would he look like? How would he be doing? Would he be a fighter like his sister? Have an attitude like little Miss? How would our lives be? I still find myself looking at the boy clothes in stores. Something just draws me over there. Im not quite sure what thats all about.

Brielle is grasping onto things like crazy!! She loves to pull my glasses off my face, she will grab my necklace and even sleep holding onto it! She LOVES when we hand her toys and they automatically go in the mouth! She has just started to like frozen teethers! She is trying hard to sit up but doesnt care to roll over. Im starting to wonder if she will ever roll over?

Fun Weekend!

This weekend, Josh and I had the pleasure of adding 3 more kids to the house! We took our nephews who are 8, 4, and 2 plus our 7 month old. We took them bowling and then to McDonalds play land, then played hide and seek and watched a movie! It was a pretty good time! Sunday however, I tried to put Eli (2) down for a nap. He wasnt having it. When I went back in the room he had pulled off his diaper and pooped all over our bed. What a mess!!!!! But all in all we had fun with our nephews and would probably tempt it again....someday!

Yesterday Speech therapy and occupational therapy came to the house to see Brielle for the first time! Speech wants us to start her on oatmeal 2x a day next week as she is on right before bed right now since last Wednesday. She is taking it pretty well! Each day she is getting the hang of it more and more. Then in about a month we can start to introduce fruits and vegetables, which ever we prefer first. Brielle sucks her tongue and Speech seen her doing that but they said because she doesnt take a pacifier thats her way of calming herself. She will grow out of it. They also gave me a tip. When she eats the cereal she pushes most of it out with her tongue so they told us to push her tongue down with the spoon instead of putting the cereal on her top gum. Pushing the tongue down creates a swollwing effect to make her swollow. Did not know that! She also gave me some different textured finger brush and tooth brush to rub in her mouth to get her used to different textures.

Occupational therapist seen the same worry as me. She favors her left side. She always reaches with her left hand for objects and her right follows slowly behind it. So she recommended that we kind of "hold" down her left and make her reach with her right. I did that yesterday and she did fairly well with it. Also when we are playing or talking to hold her in our right arm instead of our left like we are accustomed to. This kind of holds her left arm into us and forces her to use the right arm more dominantly. Other than that she gave me lots of good compliments on everything we have been doing with her and said she is looking really good! YAY!

Brielle is getting more and more fun as the days go on! Dad takes his finger and she makes the little noises while he taps his finger against her mouth. She is gigglying and smiling sooo easily! I lay her down and take her blanket and tuck her in so to speak and gently roll her to side to side and she just giggles! I LOVE IT! Shes come sooo far and we couldnt be happier how she is progressing into a little person! She has such a personality already!

Follow Up Clinic

We have been pretty busy this week! Monday we were supposed to have speech therapy and occupational therapy come, but with all the snow, they called and cancelled. Tuesday was my appt, and today was the busiest! We went in the morning to see a group of ladies at Joshs grandmas church who have been praying for Brielle since she was born. I made them a poster with some pictures of Brielle from 5 days old to now. I brought in some books I've made her and brought that little white Prom dress she wore O so long again (okay not really that long but it sure feels like it!) When you see how little that dress is and how big she now is, Im not gonna lie, I had tears! The group of ladies were so happy to see her! One even cried and had to walk away to regroup. Happy tears, Im sure! It was so nice to see them!!! Our next stop was off to the birth center that I spent 4 weeks of my life at incubating my babies! It was nice to see those faces as well! They were low staffed so there werent many there, but Im glad to see who I did!! Then we went back down to the 2nd floor to her NICU follow up with Ann Christensen! She is such a sweetheart! Speech and occupational therapists were also there. They were more than pleases with her!! They give her a "report card" I told daddy when he got home that she gets $20 per A. And were going shopping!!!! She got all A's!!

They rate her off her adjusted age which is 4 months. She is 7.5 actual. She weighs 12lbs 11oz and 24" long! Holy moly! She rated in the following categories:

Cognitive (play skills) 4 months
Fine motor 4 months 10 days
Gross motor 5 months
Receptive language (understanding) 4 months 10 days
Expressive language (talking) 5 months.

So to sum it up...Shes doing amazing! So amazing they dont want to see her back :) Only because we have birth to 3 coming to the house and they monitor all that they do so theres no need to repeat it. But we will be going back to visit for sure!!

Growing baby!

Not much to post this week. Its been pretty low key since all of us have been sick. Dad got it last weekend then mom on Wednesday and Brielle on Friday. Ive been an OCD with the sanitizer and vicks. We blocked off our living room and have the vaporizer running and we are all camped out. We put baby vicks on the bottom of Brielles feet with socks on and that seemed to help!! If the congestion would go away Id be great!!

This next week is busy! We have the occupational therapist and the speech therapist coming tomorrow late afternoon. Tuesday I have a follow up appointment. And Wednesday we are going to Joshs grandmas cousins church to meet with a group of ladies that have been praying for Bri since she was born and want to meet her. I wish we could meet everyone that has been praying and thinking about our family, but that is unfortunately impossible. Someday maybe we will have a good chunk under our belt tho! Then after we meet those kind ladies we go to the NICU at 2pm for her developmental follow up!! I am WAY excited to stop up in the NICU after we are done there!! I miss all the nurses! Im glad to be out of there, but I wish I could have brought them all with me!!

Brielle is growing up so fast!! She was 12lbs 3oz last Wednesday. She has 2 top and 2 bottom little bugger teeth that are trying to pop! And she is NOT happy about it!! And she voices her opinion!! Her best friend is her fist! She often tries to put both fists in her mouth! Its actually pretty comical! She has realized she has a voice and she uses it! She will yell and talk and coo. Its adorable! This morning I just got out of the shower before going to work and shes in her bassinet just yacking away. I just had to smile. She didnt cry at all, just instantly started talking. Maybe to her brother. She is mocking noises. My dad was just over and playing on the floor with her and he would make a noise and she would growl back at him trying to mimick it. It was adorable. She is getting to be a wiggle worm! Josh put her on the floor today and she was doing circles. She wiggles her way off the pillow we put her on. We put her in the middle of her bassinet and every time we go back to get her she is at the very top of her bed. The smiles are still as endless as ever. Its hard to have a bad day when you just look at her and she smiles at you! It lights up our lives! She is my world. I thought I knew what love was, but I dont think I truly understood until my child came into my life! This is a whole new level of love!!

Raising a preemie baby

Today Birth to 3 came to the house and was very pleased with Little Miss. She was even showing off and rolled over! She was doing good reaching for toys and putting them right in her mouth! She LOVES to stand vs laying down anymore. They wanted to see how she kicked laying on her back but Bri had other plans in mind :P

Brielle reaches more with her left hand vs her right and when she reaches she turns her hand inward kind of crooked. But they are not getting too concerned right now as she is still little and she might just be reaching to be reaching and it could be nothing. But its still something they will continue to monitor. Her legs seemed alittle stiff but she is positive its not muscular stiffness its stubborness stiffness as I call it :P She would rather stand therefore she wasnt being cooperative to let her bicycle her legs. She is talking more and more! They loved to see that!

I started my own facebook page tonight called "raising a preemie baby" if you would like to look it up and join, I'd love to have you share your experiences!! Or look me up on facebook! Amber Peterson! Have lots of pics on there!!

Bring on the New Year

We are totally ready to welcome 2011. How bout you? 2010 was quite the year! Starting in February when we found out we were having precious twins! We had longed over a year to get pregnant and after losing our first one at only 6 weeks, this was a miracle in itself. Then, the perfect instant family! A boy and a girl! May, my water broke and put our lives in fear for our babies lives. May 31, our fears came true and we had to say goodbye to our little boy. June our little girl was born miraculously tiny! But a fighter! She fought all the way thru June, July, August and came home September 1st. Encountering so many things that a baby should never ever have to encounter. Defeating the odds. Proving so many people wrong. Putting so many smiles on so many faces. I feel that 2010 has been a bittersweet year. Bitter that we had to lose our baby boy but sweet that we have Brielle. We thank our lucky star (Ayden) every day that we have her. Our situation, although turned out bad, could have been worse. I try to hold my head up high and look at it that way even tho there are days it is hung pretty low.

New Years eve we went to a small get together at a friends and her neighbor, Leslie, was there and asked how old Brielle was and I told her 7 months but 3 months due to being a preemie. Long story short...She had had a 24 weeker 20 years ago. Unfortunately for her, Matthew only made it 3 days. But it was 3 precious days she had with her little angel. She still gets teary eyed 20 years later. It made me realize that times will be tough. But we will get thru. We wont forget Ayden, just as she doesnt forget Matthew. It also made me ever more grateful for technology and the chance Brielle had. Surfactant, a medicine that Brielle had to help her lungs, wasnt on the market yet when Matthew was born. It was still being tested. Not saying that he would have lived if he was given it, but just shows how different it all is. She had pictures she brought over to show me and O man! He looked like Brielle. So small and hairy! Even looking at the bagging they had vs the breathing machines was huge! We always think were alone in this unreal journey & then you meet other people so close to you.