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Saturday, October 15, 2011

Pregnancy and infant loss rememberance day

October 15th is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. 1 in 4 women lose a baby to miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss. EVERYDAY 70 babies in the US will be born silent. 26,000 babies each year. At 7pm in each time zone candles will be lit creating a wave a light in memory of these children. Sadly, the grief of child loss far outlasts the sympathy. Parents are silenced by society deeming this subject as taboo. Today we unite in grief & help break the silence...Gone from our arms but never our hearts ♥

Not a day goes by that I dont think of my sweet Ayden. I often look at Brielle and wonder if he would have the same adorable laugh or smile. Would he have curly hair like Brielle? Would he be walking or crawling? Would he have a spunky personality too? What would he be like? What would he look like? What would it feel like to hug him? Kiss him? FEEL HIM??? To this day, seeing girl/boy twins breaks my heart. I should have pink and blue. Two high chairs. Two car seats. TWO CHILDREN! A part of me is missing.

While talking to my bestie today, she brought up how she didnt like that I missed out on my pregnancy. It took me so long to get pregnant. We took a fertiltiy pill, got pregnant, didnt have the perfect pregnancy, never got to feel them move, never got to experience maternity clothes, never got my baby shower showing off the big twin belly. I lost out on alot of normal things. I never made it to my 3rd trimester. I gave birth in my 2nd trimester. Thats not normal. I never got to bond with my babies fully. I went into emergency surgery and came out with one baby. There should have been two. Nothing about my pregnancy was normal. But then I asked her "WHAT IS NORMAL?" Ive never had a normal healthy pregnancy so I dont know normal. Will I ever know normal? Im not sure.

I found this webpage and submitted Aydens name. He is the 17th baby to be read if you care to listen to some or all of the babys lost on this page.


This is a personal list of babies that I know in some way or another that have been lost. As I look at this list, it breaks my heart to see how many babies are gone! But I find comfort in knowing that I.am.not.alone. Ayden is not alone. He had a whole baseball team up in heaven playing with him. They are all carefree and not in pain or surffering no longer. That is the only thing that I can take any comfort in losing Ayden. Here is my tribute to the babys lost.

Baby Jenna Debruler
Baby Memorie Peterson
Baby Troy Jr. Peterson
Baby Carlos Ponce
Baby Orson Griffiths
Baby Madeline Gessner
Baby Matilda Cepkova
Baby Collin Lipke
Baby Matthew Beach
Baby Amelia Lebert
Baby Zachary Walton
Baby Keegan Jahnke
Baby Mason and Hunter Dierkes
Baby Eli Bevers

Please forgive me if I have forgotten anyone!

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for thinking of us too Amber! Oh how I wish everyone could have met Memorie and Troy Jr.! I think about how I missed out on going shopping for prom dresses and wedding dresses etc...and I miss being able to share my birthday with Troy Jr:( It means alot that you thought about us to today with all that you have been thru. I kinda was struggling today during the service but yet it was comforting with everyone else around that has been through what we have been through and they can understand the tears and the heartache. Someday we will hold our babies! I am so thankful for Bri, she is amazing:) and the Fisher and Eli love them all sooo much! Our babies will never be forgotten they will remain in our hearts and thoughts until we meet again. Something good has to come out of all this...and I look at how many parents and families you have helped thru this! You are an Angel here on earth to help others!!! And you are doing a FABULOUS job! There are so many people that are so lucky to have you in their lives. I love it when I see you and Josh with Bri and how you focus on her and her needs. She is a blessing for all of us and has helped get us thru alot of these emotions, all you have to do is look at her smile and how can you not look back at her and smile with her?!?!?! Love you all! Cindy