Apple Update

Monday I had my OB appointment for 38 weeks. I ended up in the ER on Friday for shortness of breath. They thought I had a blood clot in my lungs. They took vials of blood and did some DT something test that came back elevated which could have meant I had a blood clot. They had ultrasound came in and did an ultrasound on my legs as they are swollen. No blood clots, just pregnant! Since the blood test came back positive I was then sent down for a CT scan to check my lungs for clots and that too came back negative. So I was cleared 5 hours later! After leaving, the episodes kept coming. I was talking to my best friend Kelly the next day at work and she seen me have one and said that she thought it was Anxiety as I was talking. I think she is 100% right. All of this is coming so fast and its hitting me hard that soon our family of one living child will become two! Do I have enough love? Do I have enough time in my day? How am I going to balance all of Brielles therapys and my exercises I have to force her to do on a daily basis and take care of a newborn? I know at the end of the day, I will be fine. But of course it runs thru my head. I keep having Brielle and Aydens birth running thru my head. It is clear as day. The people running. Heather running me down the never ending hallway to the operating room. Being put to sleep and not knowing if Id wake up with a baby or if she too would pass. Josh not being able to be in the room. The fear on his face. He was my rock thru my whole bedrest and to see him crumble with fear has stuck with me. Only natural and I do not blame him at.all! My sister collapsing in the hospital in tears as they took me way way to early! The sudden need for emergency is haunting me. Its all too much. There I said it. Its all too much. And on top of being scared freaking shitless of another horrific birth, which I know the chances are pretty slim with this one and Im  15 weeks further, but the possibility is always there, I am worried about Brielle. Worried how she will handle the new baby. If she will feel left out or abandoned. I am so so so so so nervous about leaving her. I am all she knows. She wakes up to me every morning. Goes to bed to me and dad every night. Im her routine. So my goal and priority is for her schedule to remain the same as it is now and we get thru these two days peacefully! My anxiety about it all is alot tho. Ive never had anxiety a day in my life. So when it happened to me on Friday I had no clue what it was. I hear ALOT of moms go thru the same thoughts I am with Brielle. So I know Im not alone. But it still sucks. That little girl is my everything. And I dont want her to wonder where her mom is and why Im not there. I hope everything goes smooth and she can stay in her routine and not much gets thrown off to the point that she is sad. I told Josh he cant tell me if she is asking for me or sad until I get home. I wont be able to handle it!

So Back to Mondays appointment....She measures my stomach as she has done for the last 18 weeks or so and I was measuring 42.5 weeks at 38 weeks. They like you to stay within the 2 weeks plus or minus. I was 4.5 weeks. So red flag. She listened to her heart as usual and that was 156 which was perfect. Then she did my check and I was 2-3cm and 70% effaced but my cervix was really high up. She couldnt tell if baby was head up or down so I was sent down for a ultrasound to check position and because I was measuring so big she wanted to see how much this baby weighs. Baby is still breech and weighs 9lbs 1oz approx. Ultrasounds can be off a pound either way, but thats still a big baby! Brielle was 1lbs 6oz! We're going to have to put the newborn clothing away and get out the 0-3 months! I told Brielle she better get growing, her sister will be wearing her clothes before she gets to! I also have extra amniotic fluid. Last time, I didnt have enough fluid and babys were small, this time I have extra fluid and a big baby! Everything is so different this time around! The doctor thought maybe she was so big because I have diabetes so she had me redo the gestational diabetes test that day which came back negative. So we're not really sure why she is so big. After I got home Dr. Ramsey called me personally and said because the GD came back negative, I have extra fluid, and shes so big they would like to see me Monday and have me do a non stress test on the baby. Im not really sure the point of a nonstress test since the next day is our scheduled C section! Yes October 2nd is the day!!! My birthday is October 3rd! Dads is Sept 30! Great birthday present! So less than a week and we will be able to meet our little Apple finally!! So excited and nervous and anxious! Its finally coming! The day is nearing! Enjoying this last week with Brielle as an only child :) We've been telling Brielle her name as we finally have one, and today she was walking around saying it!! I love it! I hope she is excited to have a new baby in the house! She loves babys so I hope she loves her baby sister just as much!

Lil Liam

As the mom of a 24 weeker, I know how extremely scary, emotional, upsetting, frustrating, up and down, but rewarding the NICU experience can be. I recently was told about a mother who had a 24 weeker not to far from me. His name is Liam. He is currently 10 days old. Today, it was discovered Liam has pneumonia and his kidneys are not fully functioning. At 20 days old, Brielle got pneumonia and her kidneys shut down and she was put on the Oscillator. I love blogging for this reason. When parents ask me how long it took her to get to 2lbs etc I can look back and see. Here are the 2 blogs that I had written when Brielle was in Liams spot.

http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=2493742441914842433#editor/target=post;postID=5114513716153188223

http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=2493742441914842433#editor/target=post;postID=2852309050580596365

Brings me back to those days just by reading the posts. My heart is with Joleen, Gabriel, and Liam during this time.

So with that being said, I am asking for prayers for this family. I am asking that if you do not believe in prayer, please send them good vibes and healing vibes for Liam. We know that all the good vibes and prayer while we were in the NICU for 98 days sure made the world of difference. It is a scary scary place to be by yourself. Knowing that they have thousands of people thinking of them is a great feeling. Send this little boy some love :)

Asthma? Allergies? What is it?

Took Brielle to the asthma/allergy specialist today. They ran about 20 allergy tests on her and the only one that came back was that she is HIGHLY allergic to cats. Just like her daddy. I was kind of stressing she would be allergic to her dogs. She would be devastated if we had to get rid of them. They are the first things she asks for as soon as she wakes up. Dr. James basically said the same things Dr. Krainik said. It is all definately up in her head region and not so much in her lungs. He said she has bronchio blockage and the wheeze we are hearing is from mucas. Her nose is puffy and he switched her from singulair to zyrtec now. We will give this new med 2 weeks and if it doesnt work in 2 weeks or so depending on Apple, we will bring her back. He said if the zyrtec doesnt work then he wants to check her for reflux and possible aspiration of fluid into her lungs. Im not sure how I feel now after leaving this appointment. I feel that we put her thru all these tests, for really no answers. Her poor little back has red spots all over it. Shes been on 8 different medications thus far and they have pretty much done nothing for her. The doctor kept going round and round....Lets take her off this and put her on this. Actually lets put her on this and keep that. etc etc. I could tell her was stumped and I even asked him if she stumped him. He said well just trying to think of the best route to go with her. Very nice guy, but Im pretty optimistic this wont work. He brought up how her eyes looked tired and like she was just crying but she keeps smiling. I said, Exactly what Dr Krainik said and she does! She looks very sad and pitiful. She acts different too. But like he said, when people get sick they act different and for her, it will affect her tone from her CP, which Boy is it!! She is so tight lately and she falls alot more, which in turn gets her so frustrated and then, well, I have a 2 year old on my hands lol. I just want her fixed!!! Its been since June Ive been going round and round and noone can seem to figure out what needs to be done. All the doctors see and hear the problem but cant figure out how to get rid of it. So defeating!

Waiting game

Brielle still has this wheeze. I took her in to the Dr again (5th time now) and he put her on singular and a nasal steroid spray. He said her lungs sound great and that it isnt her lungs that are making the wheeze its all the congestion in the back of her throat. A 2 year old doesnt know how to clear that. So we will give the nasal spray and see how she is this Thursday.

Brielle got her orthodic to stretch her ankle at night. We put it on her Wed night and she did very well with it! I didnt know if she would tolerate it and actually sleep thru the night with it on but she did! Of course that was the first thing she asked me that morning was to take it off, but she did it! I then noticed after taking it off that she had a big red and puffy raised sore on the top of her foot. I took pictures of it so I could show the orthodic guy (Peter). Then her therapist came and I showed her. The orthodic has been off about an hour and half and the red mark was still there. She said that it should go away in 30 min or less. Then she noticed her heel was all red too. We drew some marks on her heel to show Peter. Peter came on Friday and the mark was still visable. He put some extra padding on her brace but said that she does have a high toe bone that ends there so hes afaid it will always be alittle red. But hes hoping that the extra padding helps. So we will try them again tonight, we wanted to give her a break and let the redness come down a bit. Then our goal is to get her a stretch of 20 degrees up from the 90 degrees the brace is set at. Right now we can stretch her comfortably 10 degrees. So it will take alittle bit to get her to the 20, but he said once kids reach that 20 degree goal, they are walking much much better and then she should be able to just wear the SMO (Ankle) of the brace and not the full DAFO that goes up to her knee.

2 years ago today, is the anniversary that Brielle stopped breathing. It is still clear as day in my head. The dates clear in my head. Its hard to forget certain dates. Such as my water breaking May 7, 2010. Ayden passing May 31, 2010. Brielles birthday June 1, 2010. Coming home from the NICU Sept 1, 2010. Stopping breathing Sept 9, 2010. Coming home second time from the NICU Sept 14, 2010. Im not sure the dates will ever leave my mind. But One thing I do know for sure, is that Brielle is a miracle. She is incredible and has taught myself as well as so many others the true meaning of life. Thru this incredibly difficult journey, we have met incredible people!! People who have impacted our lives in ways they will never understand! We are so very blessed to have each and every one of you in our lives! The 911 dispatcher that took my call that night, just posted a "tribute" to Brielle. She too, has not forgotten 2 years later. That means alot! Im so glad that we can be a part of Jennis life still 2 years later! As well as the NICU nurses, doctors, and respiratory therapists. Without each and every one of you, Brielle would not be here. You all are incredible people!!

I had Apples check up last Monday. We had a growth ultrasound that showed she is 6 lbs 10 oz. 86% for 35 weeks. At 90% they start to be a bit concerned. After the u/s I told Josh to just take Brielle home because my Dr wanted to check me and do the strep B test. Never thinking anything would be "alarming". My Dr came in the room and asked me how I was. I said pretty good! She said Good then sat down with a Sigh. She said "Baby is in the 86% and we dont tend to worry until 90%. Shes a good size, but she is laying side ways which is a concern. Usually by 36 weeks they go head down, but I am alarmed that she wont because of your previous twin pregnancy. Your uterus is stretched due to the twins being sideways last time so she has alot more room in there to stay sideways. And lets face it, I would rather take the ride laying in a hammock than with my head down too." Okay, So what do we do from here I ask?? She said that we need to be alert of any signs of labor. If I go into labor (Any contractions what so ever or my water breaks) and she doesnt drop head down (Which at 36 wks tomorrow she hasnt yet) I need to rush to the hospital. She said that if come in on my Monday appointments and I am dialated to 4cm she will take the baby right then and there so be prepared. So she then does my check. She was checking longer than normal and she goes "Hmm" I think Hmm what????? "You are 2cm dialated" Really??? Okay NOW what? She again emphasizes that if I show ANY signs of labor to get to the hospital immediately. She asked how far we lived from the hospital and I told her 25 min, and she said if your water breaks you just call an ambulance. Now she has me alittle scared. How come this is such a need for panic?? I ask her and she said that because baby is transverse, if I go into labor she could drop fast and pinch her cord or strangle herself. That makes me feel all the better! So now I am a paranoid basket case and trying to force this child head down. But she already is stubborn as an ox and doesnt respond to anything I try. I asked about turning her and my Dr said she could not do an manual version because of my previous C Section. It could rupture my scar. So its up to baby to go head down. She had me get a belt to wear to squish her down, but she just kicks at it and shows shes mad and wants it off instead of moving away from it. Ive tried crawling on all 4s and doing pelvic rocks. Shes still laying sideways. I thought for an hour last night she was starting to go down, but she is back up by my belly button hanging out quite contently. I guess we will see what tomorrow brings! Yesterday I went to Cheese fest with my friend Karen and to a few rummage sales and then my cousins twins birthday party, so I was busy and up most of the day and had back pain galore and a few tightening of the stomach, possibly contractions? Josh is in his brothers wedding this weekend and Im alittle nervous. I didnt do as much as I will be this weekend so it has me alittle on edge. But Ill just listen to my body and do what I can do. Shes got to stay in til Sept 17th atleast!