Not a whole lot to blog about lately. Last week was a nice low key week! It was Thanksgiving and we had NO appointments that week! But this week we are paying for it! Brielles schedule is:
Monday- Orthodic molding for her foot braces. We got to pick out a pattern (not many "Cool" ones to pick) but I picked one that is Bright and cheery! She will get those back December 20th. Just in time for xmas! I have mixed feelings about them. Im sure it going to be a total melt down just like her vest, but then I will adjust. I just feel horrible when people look at her like shes different. I think thats why I hate the "You look tired" comment. NO SHE LOOKS BEAUTIFUL! FULL OF LIFE! SHES MY MIRACLE! SHES NOT TIRED!!! I find myself just shutting down when someone says that. Im NOT sure why it bugs me so much! It bugs me when people tell me to shrug it off. HOW? WHY SHOULD I? Until you've gone thru what we have gone thru and truly understand WHY it would bug a parent when countless people, EVERYWHERE you go, tell you your child looks "tired" you dont get it. Trust me, Id LOVE to ignore those people, but I cant. I cant get away from them saying things unless I dont go anywhere. I Wont shelter Brielle. I just wish I knew WHY people say that! It really bothers me! I think alot of it is my "Guilt." I have ALOT of guilt of having my babies too soon. I couldnt hold them in the 16 weeks longer they needed! Hell I would have been happy with another 10 weeks. But I failed them. And now Brielle is paying the price. She has to wear a spio vest, now she has to wear braces to walk. Shes 18 months and not walking. Thats tough on me. I look at my 13 month old neice who is running everywhere. It crushes me that Brielle cant have a "Normal" life. I know to Brielle its normal, but I know its not. Brielle didnt even sit until she was 13 months old. Its all hard. Its all taking its toll on me. The only thing that I hold on to is BRIELLE WILL NOT REMEMBER! I just Pray to the good lord, that this all starts to resolve itself before she starts to "know" she is different than other kids her age. I dont want kids to ask why she has to wear braces. That part crushes me!!! Kids can be so.damn.cruel. As the tears now fall for Brielle, I hope she NEVER EVER has to EVER encounter that!!!!!!! Ok melt down coming....Ill end it there!!
Tues she has Occupational Therapy
Wed she has Physical Therapy
Thurs she has Speech Therapy
Monday is her 18 month Well baby Check up. 18 freakin months already!!!!! Holy man where did the time go??????? I feel like just yesterday the twins were born! We just left the NICU! Now shes crawling and getting into EVERYTHING she can get her cute little petite hands on!! Its insane!!
We put our xmas tree up Friday. It now has NO ornaments on the bottom 3 feet :) Brielle thinks they are balls and proceeds to pull them off the tree and throw them with her cute little "UH" as shes throwing. lol Shes probably a little cute terror because I laugh. So of course she does it again and laughs. Whatever, she'll learn her boundaries one day :)
Her latest is waving. She will wave to the TV. Josh usually puts her to bed at night (And I get her in the morning) and she waves Bye to me as shes leaving for bed (SOOO adorable!) She will walk away in her walker and turn to wave. Everything is waving! Not many kisses anymore, but they will come back! :)
Her new word is papa. Anything like...baba, papa, dada, gaga..those are her words. O and Im "MOM" now... :/ Sounds so OLD! And its usually only said when shes mad!
She knows how to suck outta a straw! And actually I can get the most fluid intake in her thru her straw sippy cup! (Sorry if any of this is repeated!)
I hope everyone had a great thanksgiving! We did! We were very thankful to have Brielle to put smiles on our faces this year! I did alot of thinking of the families that DONT have their children home or here anymore to spend this time with.
We took my 13 month old neice with us Friday to get our tree. Everyone thought they were twins. They are the same size, but dont look alike...But anywho, that hit home. This would have been our life with Ayden and Brielle. I try really hard to just accept that hes not with us anymore, but dang it isnt easy. I miss it for my own reasons, but I miss it for Brielle. You always hear and see the "twin" connections made. I feel bad she will never have that. She will never get to know that Feeling! The other day she was saying good morning to Ayden. She was touching his urn and his foot molds and some of the other momentos we have in his cubby. It was sweet. We wont ever let her forget her Brother. Her hero. Her TWIN!
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