Loss

I am numb. I am crushed. I am hurt. I am torn. I am so very sorry. My cousin, Amanda, lost her 9.5 month old Wednesday to cardiomyopathy. Jenna had an enlarged heart. She was too sick to receive a heart transplant and she grew to weak to keep fighting. After a very strong 6 week fight she just could not fight no longer. My heart breaks for my cousin. 14 months ago, I was planning a funeral for my son (with tons of help from my dad). It was heartbreaking for us and we had never "met" Ayden. I never held him. Never felt him breathe. Never played with him. Never seen him smile or giggle. Amanda seen and heard and felt all of those things. I can not imagine how tough this is on her. She lives in Indiana and we are in Wisconsin. She is coming home Monday and I can not wait to hug her. I can not get her off my mind. I keep thinking how unfair it is. But in the same sense, Jenna is at peice. No more tubes and wires. No more struggling. O how I wish that sweet baby could have gotten a transplant and this ending was so different. Watching your child struggle for over 6 weeks and then have this ending is so unbearable. I have a friend, Karen McGlin, who lost her daughter in March to cancer. She is such a strong woman! She looks at things from the positive side. I dont know how she does it, but she puts me in my place so to speak. Stop thinking negative and start looking at the good of the outcome. Her and her daughter, Kylee, have left such a huge footprint in my life. I never got the pleasure of meeting Kylee, but if she was half the little girl her mom is, I know she would have been wonderful, amazing, caring, loving, and courgeous. I am blessed to have her in my life.