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Monday, May 16, 2011

Just a year ago!

Wowzers did this year fly by!!! I can not believe a year ago today I have been in the hospital 9 days holding my babies in. I can not believe in less than a month my 24 weeker is going to be a one year old!! She has come such a looong way. I am more than happy with everything she has overcome.

Over a year ago....We had our long growth ultrasound May 6. We decided to invite our two mothers as a mothers day gift to see their grandbabies in action. They both loved it! As did we!! That night I didnt feel well. I had alot of cramps but the u/s tech was pushing on me pretty hard so I just thought that was why. I went to bed right after dinner. I woke up around 2am. I sat up and was extremely dizzy!! I felt like I had vertigo. It started to go away so I got up to go to the bathroom. Our bathroom is not far from our room, and half way to the bathroom a gush of water fell over my wood floor. My first thought, was, you dumbass you pissed your pants!! I went to the toilet to clean myself and got a towel to clean the floor. As I bent down to wipe it up another gush. I immediately starting crying and screaming for Josh. Josh, waking from a dead sleep to his wife crying and screaming, came running to me. I told him to grab my phone and dial my doctor. He still didnt know what was happening. I was still trying to gather what the hell was happening myself. I was only 20 weeks 5 days. NOWAY this could be my waters breaking! Josh dialed my doctor as I stood there with wet pants. I coulnt talk. I could just cry. My doctor happened to be on call and she called us back immediately. She asked us if it smelled like pee or nothing. I said nothing. She told us we needed to get to labor and delivery immediately and she would meet us there. WHAT? What do you mean? LABOR and DELIVERY? I cant have these babies right now! They arent ready! Im not ready! They wont survive! They wont make it! Am I loosing my babies tonight? What is going to happen? I threw on sweat pants and socks and away we went. I did not know what this meant. I bawled the whole way to the hospital as Josh made phone calls to our parents. There was nothing they could do as well, but we wanted them to know since we didnt know what this meant! We got to the ER and they took us straight to labor and delivery. WHY are they taking me there???? I cant delivery! Too soon!! I went to the bathroom to get changed into my gown and saw blood in my undies. I started to sob in the bathroom. I knew blood wasnt a good sign! I came out and got in the bed and told Josh this was it. We are losing the twins. He tried to stay positive, even tho I could tell in his face he knew it wasnt good. My nurse, Heather Epley, came in to do an amniotic fluid test to see if indeed my waters broke. I already knew the answer why even do the test! She didnt have to say anything, I knew. What I didnt know was what this meant for me. For my babies. We just had a miscarriage in November. Now its May and we are losing 2 more??? Why is god putting up thru this!! What did we do to deserve this!! She came in with an IV machine. She started me on the IV to ward of possible infection in me and Aydens broken water bag. She said I would be on the IV for 3 days. I said "O so I'm here 3 days?" I didnt know I was even staying the night! She said the dreaded words "O hunny! You are here til these babies come." WHAT DO YOU MEAN! I have 20 more weeks before these babies come! Even tho, in my heart I knew I wasnt going to last that long. I am a florist, it was mothers day. I worried about work, because thats my nature. I think I worried more about my assistant, Kelly. How was she going to cope without me? We didnt have a choice. I felt horrible. Every emotion was coming over me! It was about 4am now and my doctor came in to check my cervix and make sure I wasnt in labor. Thank god I wasnt and everything was shut. She confirmed that I had bacteria Vaginitis. The infection caused me to Pprom. WHAT? This is a dance that high school students go to. I make them corsages! What the hell is Pprom? She explained its Premature rupture of membranes. Early water breaking. WHY ME! Again, feelings came over me. I couldnt stop crying. I just wanted to give up at that point. I didnt know what this whole situation meant, and what would be the outcome! I am a person that has everything planned out and wants to know! I didnt know. My nurses and doctors didnt know. My doctors explained to me that being 20 weeks, there was nothing they go do to save my babies until May 30. (It was only May 7) They asked us to terminate. The risk of infection could kill Ayden and Myself. There was no discussing or talking with Josh, It was NO. No we would not! There is two beating heartbeats and we will continue until we no longer can. My mom, Joshs mom, My sister, my grandma, and my dad all showed up. There was nothing anyone could do. It was a waiting process at this point! I was in a labor and delivery bed and it was the most uncomfortable thing EVER!! My mom eventually bitched enough and got me in a nice big comfy bed! Hey! If I was going to be there for awhile, I want comfort! We got transferred out of the post op delivery room to a smaller room, which sucked because we both have such huge families and there just wasnt enough room. And so began the fight of my life to keep my babies incubated for 20 more weeks!!! I think I can, I think I can, I think I can......

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