Thank you everyone!

So my mom pointed out to me today, after talking to two former NICU parents she ran into, that I need to start blogging more. My words, not hers. I guess for myself, I thought not many read anymore. But looking at my "Stats" page and people commenting to me about peices of my blog, and people telling family they love to read the blog, I owe it to everyone of you that have kept up and keep reading my venting, good news, bad news, important, not important BLOGS! To those of you that are keeping up with our life and enjoy reading, THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! I enjoy blogging. I love it for a few reasons.

1. Its my "therapy." I get all my feelings out and on paper and I dont have to bottle them in.

2. I cant forget to tell people things!! I feel like my head is being filled up with helium and Im trying to weight it down. There is so much going on, and so much to remember, I cant keep up! So its a good place to put it all down and I can look back if I forget or I can tell people to just read the blog! Plus, more so when we were in the hospital, I dont have to call 10 people and repeat myself time after time. Sometimes Im just exhausted from the inital news, or what have you, and I dont feel like telling anyone! So its just to have it out there so anyone can read our latest and read in their convienience!

3. I love the fact that I will forever have this and it is something that Brielle can eventually read! (And know WHY her father is gray at 30!)

4. I hope that my blog reaches out and touches atleast one person! If I can some way, some how touch one persons life, My job is done! When my water broke, I was clueless! You are supposed to carry to 40 weeks. I was 20. I had always heard you had to deliver that baby 24 hours after your water broke. I was 20! I knew my babies wouldnt survive. When faced with the question to terminate, YES never crossed my mind. I wanted these babies in the worse possible way. I would not give up. But there are alot of women out there that do. If one of those women find my blog, and do not terminate due to pProm, My job is complete! I want the information OUT THERE! Which is why my blog is public.

We had Brielles 18 month check up Monday. This appt didnt go as well as her others! She lost weight from her 15 month appt. No gain. LOST! She is 19 lbs 2oz. I kinda knew this as she was 19lbs 4oz 2 weeks ago at her RSV appt. But as I was talking to her PT today about it she said that CP kids do loose weight as they have low muscle tone so it takes SO much MORE to do the little things, like walk. She burns more trying to do those things. Ok, Makes sense! And I did read that from another CP mom. Dr. Krainik wants me to bring her back in a month and see where she is at on the scale etc. Hes not toooo toooo worried about it YET, but wants to watch her closely. My worry is, I have been journaling now what she is eating (just in case, cuz Im a freak like that!) and now that its on paper, its not alot of food! So Im hoping its more so that its the muscle tone and NOT eating habits. This girl used to be such a good eater, sometimes downing 2! hot dogs at a feeding and a whole can of oranges! to skipping lunch or dinner most days. :( I just dont want her to loose too much weight as I know its important for development.

Ive been putting Brielle on the big girl potty! Shes pooped 5 times so far by herself on there!!! Since we started it about 2 weeks ago, she hasnt pooped in her diaper. Shes pretty proud of herself!! She quite funny, Josh told her to "Grab your ankles" while trying to push, (remember this girl is constipation QUEEN!) so now, her Que that she has to go, she pulls her ankles up when shes sitting. Its cute! But lets us know too! :)

The other night I was changing the birds water and I had just taken down the baby gate on his door, and set it outside his door against the closet door. I grabbed the water dish and headed out the door. Brielle had followed me in there, so I just turned her walker around and scooted her out the door. I cut the corner too short as I was stepping around her, and took the baby gate out with my right leg. The metal part grabbed my leg right above the sock and dug in and I went straight down on the wood floor. There was no time to even catch myself. I fell hard. The water went flying and down I went. Brielle of course FREAKED right out, crying hysterical. Josh was trying to roll me as I was face down. I thought I broke my leg it was that bad! I told him to not touch me and go get Brielle. Brielle was still freaking out so I knew I had to just suck it up and get up because she was panicking now. So I sat up and took off my drenched sweater. Josh set her down to come by me and she couldnt get by me fast enough. She got to me and hug me so quickly and......PATTED MY BACK! AWE I cried even harder then!!! It was like "Its okay mommy!" :) My little girl!! OOOO how I love that little girl!! She wouldnt stop giving me hugs, it was freaking adorable!! 2 bruised knees later and quick the mark on my leg, I learned how caring my 18 month old is!

Yesterday Brielle took 4 steps unassisted!!!! She is a maniac with her walker!! Now by walker I mean a push behind toy. She whips that thing around to go wherever she wants. We take it everywhere with us as you can tell she is truly proud to be able to walk and the freedom to get around. Physical therapy was going to put her in a walker that we special order but because she does sooo well with the cheapo $3 rummage sale find walker they just left it at that. She even has walking with it going backwards down! She has even mastered running with this walker! She still trips and falls, but shes not discouraged and she gets right back up and goes at it full force again. Her orthodics come Dec 20, so Im hoping then she will get walking down pat. I know that she is going to LOVE the walking with nothing to hold on to. She always tries to set her dog on the walker handle and go with him, but he always falls and then she just pushes it with the walker. The other day I was Not feeling good so I just layed on the couch and she had free rain of the house. She was an angel!!! I was very proud of her! Only once did I see the whole entire tree shaking like crazy! The dogs were fighting so I told her to break them up. She did!! I was impressed! She whipped her walker around and went full force between them! It was quite funny! The dogs were like WTH just happened! But it stopped them! hehe

Today was Brielle intervention christmas party that her therapists all put on for the kiddos. Brielle did not like santa one bit!! She wouldnt even go close to him!! It was nice to see other kids with special needs. Other kids with walkers. Other kids her age not walking etc. Makes us SEE were not alone one bit. It kind of puts me back in reality as well. There were 3 kids in wheel chairs. Cute as a button! But it totally made me question why I think I have the right to be sad about my 18 month old thats not walking yet. But then I think back to the training class I had to take to be a parent host in the NICU. They taught us that everyones "WORSE" and everyones "GOOD/OK" are different. A minor hernia surgery, where the baby goes home THAT day, like Brielle had, may be the worst thing for one parents and Ok for the next. Everyone views situations differently. Alot of people tell me how strong I am. How they could never lay in the same bed for 3 weeks and never get up. How they could never do a 98 day NICU stay on top of the 3 weeks. How they could never handle a baby on oxygen. How they could not do all the therapys, Drs, or CP diagnosis. My answer is, yes you can! Yes.you.would. Its easy to just give up. Its easy to just walk away. Its easy to not try. Trust me, there are days where I could just crawl in a hole. But what good would that do? If I wouldnt have layed in bed, Brielle probably wouldnt be here. We didnt have a choice to do a NICU stay. I think when your in the position, you go into survival mode. PLUS, the NICU staff, Drs, nurses, and respirtatory therapists were AMAZING! We only had one nurse that we had problems with, and that was taken care of right away, The rest were amazing! We could not have asked for better care! Not only care for Brielle, but us. Alot of those nurses became our friends and second mothers! They seen us in our best place possible, but also were there to hug us at our worst moments ever. We cant ever repay them! They are miracle workers! And I have quite the smiley, happy go lucky, little girl to prove it!!