Summer time

Yesterday we had speech thereapy. I am NOT at ALL concerned about her eating. She eats like a champ! She only has 2 bottom teeth, and shes eating chicken nuggets, crackers, cheese, baked beans, corn, mashed taters, manderin oranges, diced apples etc. Lisa (therapist) was over delighted she was eating so well. I was alittle worried, because Little Miss would rather feed herself than have mom and dad feed her, which only means, the second stage baby foods are diminishing. But Lisa reassured me that if she was eating enough table foods and she is still on formula til September, she is getting enough nutrition. And she explained that when babys get teeth, they want to chew and not eat the mush. Makes sense. And saves molla on baby food!

I was however concerned because Brielles early intervention teacher said she thought her speech was behind. Shes not saying mama da da na na etc yet. Lisa thought she was alittle behind, but NOT getting too concerned as Brielle is REALLY wanting to WALK! She will straighten her legs out so you can sit her down, she'd rather stand. She LOVES to walk holding our fingers. She is almost running holding our hands. Its pretty funny! I honestly dont think this child is going to crawl! But she has proved ALL Of us wrong at one point or another, so Im prepared if she would crawl. I hope she does crawl as its good developmentally, but we will see.

Lisa also explained that because Brielle is working so hard on Walking and she is so determined to GO GO GO, she may just be concentrating on the walking and not on talking. So for the time being, we have increased her speech therapy from 1x a month to 2x a month. She is not going to watch her eat anymore since we are pretty good on that, shes just going to focus on her actual speech and sounds.

Other than speech.....Brielle has one top tooth that JUST popped thru today! This tooth wasnt as easy as the last 2! She was incredibly whiny and fussy and cuddly! Which I was okay with the cuddles, because this child usually does not want to cuddle she just wants to go go go constantly its exhausting! She took 5 naps yesterday! And now I see why this morning! :) I am going to miss that gummy smile tho :/

Now that summer is here, I am having some anxietys I guess we could say. I feel like last summer was taken from me. I spent all of May in the hospital stuck in 4 walls and a bed. June, July, and August were spent by Brielles side in the NICU. We didnt get to do anything (which was fine by us, Bri took priority) but now I feel like I have to fit as much into my summer as humanly possible! Poor Josh lol. There are summer concerts every Thursday we have been going to, Bayfest, Seymour fair coming up, Farmers Markets, Chicken Fest, Fourth of July! YAY! I cant wait! This summer is by far better than last year, because I have my precious miracle on my hip!

1st Birthday Party Success!

Brielles first birthday party on Sunday was GREAT! Undescribable! We had about 50 close family and friends there! The weather was alittle Hot, but it didnt rain! Brielle had on a cute yellow sun dress with our theme for the party, butterfly, on her left shoulder. The bottom had flowers growing up. Her cake was a two tiered blue butterfly cake made by one of the sweetest friends, Candee Gumm. She got a 4 wheeler from mom and dad, a wagon from aunties, papa mike & Ginny, A little tykes bike from Great grandma and grandpa Peterson, A beach bag full of toys, treats, etc for the boat from Papa Rodger and Gma Cindy Eberly, A leash from uncle chase and more camo!, A Ayden wing that matches my necklace from Auntie Ema, Uncle Mike and Anthony and Johanna, Money to buy what she wants! Lots of clothes and toys, books! She is a VERY loved little girl!!! She woke up from a short 40 min nap at 11 when all her guests arrived and stayed awake til 4:30 when I put her down to nap. And she even fussed! She was VERy good! Never cried or fussed! Must have been on a sugar high from all the cake she ate!!

The theme I choose for her party was "Spread your wings and fly" Butterflys. The reason is I think of Brielle as my little caterpillar that was so little and fragile and then emerged into this beatiful little girl, much like a butterfly does. So "Spread your wings and fly" just came to me one day and I went with it. :)

Very Very Very pleased with how we celebrated her one year and everyone who came to celebrate with us! Thank you to all

Here are some Birthday Party pics!

Aydens funeral

A year ago tomorrow was my sweet baby boys funeral. But this year we are celebrating Brielle turning "1". A year ago today, I was released from the hospital. After sitting on my couch again (believe me, after 4 weeks in a bed, thats a HUGE deal!), we went to "take a kid fishing." An event my dad is part of that takes 3-15 year old kids fishing at a pond. They have trophies for most fish, smallest, biggest, etc. Its fun!! After we stopped there, I got in the car and we drove to my sisters house. She had just bought their first house. I hadnt been a part of any of it since I was in the hospital. I seen pics on her phone that was all. I was sore as could be! Josh had been fishing with my then 3 year old nephew. As I watched him fish, my eyes filled with tears. My sweet boy was gone. Josh didnt have a boy to do this with! As Im in the car, all the emotions took over again. He asked what I was thinking (as he knew what was wrong) and I told him watching him with Anthony and now his boy is gone. His words were "I have Brielle. Dont worry, she will be fishing with me." Sure enough, today....His one year old was fishing with him. Brielle helped him reel in 2 fish but was pretty much done after that. It was a blast!!

Last year we were sitting in a church, giving Ayden the proper funeral. With about 30 of our close family. Our little girl in an incubator weighing alittle over a pound fighting for her life. Not knowing if we have to do this all over in a few weeks? months? DAYS? The unknown. The death of our sweet boy. It all weighed heavily on us. As I sit writing this, Josh and Brielle are on the floor tickling and laughing and screeching in excitement. I wish Ayden was here. I wish we both had a baby to "tickle". To hug. To cuddle. To LOVE. To kiss. To hold. But we dont. I am happy with what god has given me. But at the same time, I am mad he took my baby boy from me too soon. We never got to see his smile. His sweet face. His laugh. God took that from me too soon. But I will put on that happy face as I always do and pretend I am OK with it. But deep down, I am NOT O.K. With it. I want Ayden back. Brielle needs her twin. A bond that only twins have. She doesnt have. She wont ever know. The other day, we walked past Aydens urn and she whipped her head around and smiled. I stopped and went back to him where she puckered her lips and did her famous "oooo" I told her that was her brother, Ayden. I handed her the molds we have of his feet that my dad gold plated. She felt them. It was almost like she was saying Happy Birthday Ayden. I cant even type this without welling up with tears. It was like she knew he was there. Maybe she will always know her twin is with her?

I am forever grateful that my dad took all the funeral planning into his hands. I just couldnt do it. I didnt want to face that my baby was gone. Then I had to deal with my other living sweet baby fighting for her life. It was just all too much. My dad did everything from calling the funeral home, the cremation, the church service, invites...EVERYTHING was by my father. I can not express how much that means to me. I kept pushing it off, and he took it all into his hands. All I had to do was pick out the urn. It was pretty laid back and as easy as possible. Valley funeral home was awesome as well and picked up the creamation cost since its an infant. Kuddos to them as well. All in all, I can not believe its been a year already!!

911 Ceremony

So thursday night we had an awards ceremony for the 911 Dispatcher who took our call the scary night of September 9 when Brielle stopped breathinga after being home only 8 short days! Jeniffer Echols, our angel won an award after I wrote a letter applauding her for her calming nature to help us. It was very nice! We brought Brielle with us, and alot of people were looking at us, wonder why we would bring a baby to such a thing. Then after the sheriff read a paragraph of my letter, they all understood. Jeniffer has now become a part of our family. She is invited to all of Brielles birthdays and other events. We keep in contact and we love her!!!

My little one year old!

Brielle is "1". How freakin exciting is that?!? Over a year ago, we didnt know what was in store for us when my water broke. Now looking back, I just am in awe at what we encountered, and where we are today. Brielle is gorgeous, full of life and smiles and laughter! She has started to clap! The night before her 1st birthday, we were at my moms having a cook out and she was sitting there clapping!!!!! Ive been working on this for sometime, since I am trying to get her to do sign language. I swear a few times lately, she has signed "Eat." How great is that!! And the little turd bit me today! She guided my finger ever so swiftly in her mouth and bit down. Then when I screamed "OUCHIE" she giggled. How great! We watched her first ever bath yesterday. It was when she was 1 month 10 days old. She fit in this tiny little pink bucket the hospital used for breast feeding parts etc. She was soooo little! Intubated yet, so no sounds from her. Her little arms flying all over the place, since she didnt know self containment yet. She nestled so nicely in Nurse Kathys hand like a little baby kitten. The small wash cloth was big enough to be her towel. I had to use one finger to wash her since my hand would do her whole body at once and over stimulate her. NOW bath time.......She sits on the bottom of the tub with alittle water in the bath tub and plays with toys. My whole hand washes her. We giggle, she does her famous "OOOO" with puckered lips. She splashes her hands in the water and looks at us and smiles. She loves to try to grab the running water from the faucet. O how bath time has sure changed. O how our life has changed in just a year!! And I'm loving every minute of it!!

Last night, we released a balloon to Ayden at 8:52pm. The time they were both born, just a short year ago. We all wrote a message. Mine saying "Happy 1st birthday my sweet baby boy. I hope you are having lots of cake in heaven. Love you forever, Mommy."