We picked the best pumpkin!

Well not much has changed in the last week! Which is of course always a good thing in our lives! We did have her apnea/brady monitor downloaded Wednesday and she was having too many apnea episodes so the Dr. called us back in on Thursday for a caffeine level check and on Friday decided they needed to reload her on caffeine. So that night at 4pm we had to give her 1.5ml and then 6 hours later another 1.5ml and then daily now she gets 1.1ml. Up from her .9ml she was getting. She SHOULD have outgrown her caffeine being full term now, but she hasnt. Still our goal to get her off of the caffeine but as Brielle has shown us all in her 4 months 1 week 3 days life, is that she does stuff as she darn well pleases! Once again, "Shes the Boss." As scary as that is! That is the truth! So we just sit back and enjoy the ride for now. I can definately tell the difference tho now that she is on the higher caffeine. She is not as buzzy! Her monitors are definately quieter!

This week we go back in tomorrow for another caffeine level to make sure it theraputic. Thursday Birth to 3 is coming to the house. Early intervention and Physical Therapy are coming this time around to evaulate her. They will keep an eye on her over the next few months and make sure she is developing properly with her motor skills etc and also teaching us some excersies to do with her. They will be watching for signs of cerebral palsy as well since her risk of having it is higher.

My almost 4 year old nephew was over this morning early! And he wanted to look out my window and say "Hi" to Ayden. AWE melted my heart!!! We didnt even say anything to bring it up! My sister said he says Hi to Ayden all the time. He roasted marshmallows the other day with him. All stems back from that one night we were having a fire and I seen the one star in the sky and told him it was Ayden. He remembered. He has a memory like I've never seen on a kid!! It just brings tears to my eyes everytime that precious boy brings up my precious baby! He still lives thru us even tho he is gone. Anthony keeps asking if Ayden will come out of the sky. Its hard that he doesnt fully understand, but so special that he doesnt forget his cousin. Sometimes he will ask "Whos Ayden" but then he remembers. And he knows he is in the sky. We released the balloons at Brielles baptism and the clouds formed and X, or if you tip your head, A cross!! The balloons went right for it!!! Oct 15 is Worldwide pregnancy and infant loss day. We will let our balloons go for our little boy. We would light the candles too, but we cant with his sisters oxygen. So we will send our thoughts and love up to you little man!

I am working 5 days this week, due to it being Sweetest Day Saturday, and me being a florist. So my sister came over today and watched Brielle and my mom is coming on Wednesday. I was a nervous nelly but after 2 hours I settled down. I have full trust in my Sister and my mother on Wednesday. My sister spends alot of time with me already and knows her Ps and Qs. She knows the monitors etc. It is nice to get out and put some hours under my belt, but one week will be enough! I will just go back to my Fri Sat Sun! I'm exhausted! And I have 3 more days to go yet, and we havent even gotten to the busiest day!! Living the dream!!! HA!

We took Brielle to The Pumpkin Place on Sunday with Grandma Cindy, Auntie Ema, and Cousin Anthony on Sunday! I posted some pics! Isnt she getting some cheeks on her????? It was fun! I cant wait til next year when she should be able to walk or crawl to her first pumpkin! Daddy got a big pumpkin, mommy a medium, Brielle a small pumpkin, and Ayden got a white pumpkin. We went thru the corn maze and laughed so hard! Thought my sister was going to have her baby in the corn maze!!! It was great fun!! Even pumpkin bowled!! We spent almost all day outside yesterday, doing yard work after the pumpkin picking, and I think Brielle really liked it!! She slept good last night! Which mommy appreciated having to work today! Now tonight she is fighting daddy to go to sleep :P That a girl! (as he would say!)

Shot day

Brielle had her 4 month shots today. Daddy was working so I took her by myself. It was okay until she got her shots. Then she cried and cried and cried. She was NOT happy!!! She did so well in the NICU! Probably because she had her nurse Kathy and her sugar water on her passy. They dont have that in the peds office. Got home and she was still cranky. Finally I got her to sleep by putting her in her swing on a pretty fast swing setting and she zonked off. The nurse kept on hitting her veins while giving her shots so she bled like crazy and they couldnt give the 3 in a row like normal because she had to keep stopping to make it stop bleeding. So we would settle her down and then have to rile her up 2 more times. I think dad might be bringing her in December for her 6 month shots.

The Dr is pleased with her progress. Adjust she is about 2 weeks old. He said for that age she is exceeding his expectations. She was looking up to find me and make sure I was still there and focusing on me. She was grabbing my fingers. And she was very alert. She is in the 25% percentile for weight 5% for height and head circumfrance which he said is good for her adjusted age. We talked about weaning her and as far as the oxygen, thats his last thing hes worried about right now. He is more worried about getting her off her caffeine and getting her heartrate to stay steady (bradys) and her to have no more apneas (stop breathing). So thats his primary goal right now is to resolve those bradys and apneas. If she is still on about the same settings on her oxygen in a month or so then he wants us to talk to a Dr in Milwaukee about what to do. So we will go from there. There was a few days that we got her down to a 1/16 liter but then she tires out. Hes hoping that as she gets more stronger and bigger she will get more stamina and be able to do it herself. He is very pleased with her color and her size. He said she doesnt look so "fragile." She has meat on her bones finally. Shes starting to fill out like a newborn!

4 months old

Today Brielle is 4 months old. Weighing in at 7lbs 6oz. Today I was wondering where the past 5 months ago. 5 months ago is when my water broke. I was admitted to the hospital and our battle to get to this point began. I am proud to say that we won that battle :) I would do it over in a heart beat! It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. We miss our baby boy more than ever, but with out him we may not have his sister right now. I will be the first to admit that now we are home things have settled and I have alot more time to think. Aydens passing is getting the best of me. I do not quite understand gods plan. I dont understand why he had to take my precious boy away from me. I do not understand why he had to have it happen so soon to have my precious girl go thru the fight of her life. I hope one day I can understand that plan of his and stop questioning. Im sure in time I will. But right now the pain is still there. I see little boys when I'm out and about and I miss him more than ever. I find myself looking at the little boy clothing. The little things that I still catch myself doing and have to say Hes gone let go. Easier said than done. I dont want Brielle to forget her twin brother. Her hero. With that being said Josh and I have started a "tradition" we want to begin and continue with Brielle. We want to release balloons up to Ayden at special events. Like her birthday. This weekend is her baptism and we will do it there as well. Its our way of saying your still here with us in our hearts little man. Josh is getting a tattoo tomorrow of Aydens foot prints and Brielles hand prints. Im pretty excited to see the outcome. He is getting it on his forearm so he will see it all day at work. Thats his memorial to his babies. I wear a cross from my uncle Bruce and Aunt deb everyday. I havent taken it off since Ayden passed. Those little quirks are all we have left. I guess everyone grieves differently. A friend from the NICU that lost her twin son as well was telling me that when she got home from the NICU her grieving her son took on full force. I didnt understand it until now. I completely understand what she means now! Life has settled down, my baby is home where she belongs, I have more time to think and evaluate and it is hitting home! I have one baby, not the two babies that we thought we'd have right now. But its reality and we have to take it as it is.

Brielle is doing very well at home! Monday we have her 4 month shots! She is still on the caffeine. We havent been able to wean her down on any oxygen so she is still at 1/8 of a liter. But one thing I have learned from the NICU is to not rush it. She will do things on her own. And as nurse Kathy always told me "Shes the boss." Aint that the truth!!! She has been staying awake a lot more! The at home nurses are very surprised at her alertness level due to her gestation. There have been 2 days now that she has been awake for almost 7 hours at a time. Taking a few 15 min naps here and there. Amazes me! Her noise levels are slowly increasing. She still doesnt cry very loud. She just grunts more than anything. Pooping is still a major issue with her. We are doing prune and pear juice altering back and forth. Glycerin is her best friend. She loves her boopie. She does okay in her swing. She has learned to roll onto her side. I will put her in the middle of her bassinet and she will roll on her side against the edge of it. I think she likes that barrier. The NICU had a nest like walls around her. Last night she moved all the way to the bottom of her bassinet against the edge. She lifts her head straight off our chest and looks around while holding herself up. She will position herself where she feels more comfortable. She definately is strong!!! But thats what got her to this point!!!

7lbs

Brielle is 7lbs! So hard to believe! Shes definately came along ways from her 1 lbs 6oz! Were still battling the pooping issues! Had to give her glycerin yesterday & in a matter of minutes its coming out the sides of her diaper! Im glad it works atleast! So hard to see her struggle like that! I think she is trying to poop again because she is just cranky and fussy!! We have a pretty mellow week this week which is nice!! No appointments!

Same Old Same Old

Well its 6am. Up for the morning feed! Then off to work at 7. Not too much going on in our lives! Just alot of sleeping (Brielle not mom), feedings, diaper changes a7 alarms! Tom from Thedacare at home was over yesterday to down load her monitors and he was the one that taught us the CPR. So I was able to thank one more person off our list! He said he was glad we learned it but sad we had to use it. Us the same! Brielle is not gaining weight as she should be nor is she eating like she used to. She has a goal of 400ml a day and she is anywhere from 320-400. The nurses come 3x a week and say she looks and sounds good so not too sure what her deal is. Shes been stuck at 6lbs 13oz for 3 days. Shes too sleepy to eat. We try everything it just doesnt work. So they were talking about uping her caloris if she doesnt gain weight at todays visit. Well I have to wake dad up now to take over the feed as I type 1 handed so I can go to work. Have a great weekend everyone!!

Original Due Date

So today is the date the twins were planned to arrive!! Of course they had plans of their own and came 16 weeks early!! Its hard to believe she is considered "Full term" and a "newborn" now. All the talk of "when shes full term" she will do this and that. Well its time Bri!! Your day has come! Now do big girl stuff!! Of course not!! She will do that on her own time and will as well :) As I look back (only 3 months, 2 weeks, and 4 days ago) Alot has taken place, good and bad in our lives. The changes have been incredible! I have longed to be a mom and I am a mom finally! The exhaustion has set in, but I am never too tired to jump out of bed and turn off that alarm. And feed her of course! The best part of my day is when she looks up at me and gives me that smile, that really is just gas! She makes us laugh all day! She will rumble your leg and then have a funny grin on her face! She will go from a face of smiles to a face that wants to belt out a cry! We could sit and stare at her all day!

My blog has a "Stats" tab that I can look at. I was AMAZED at the numbers!!!
Here are the numbers:
Pageviews today 55
Pageviews yesterday 88
Pageviews last month 3,715
Pageviews all time history 12,049

I knew quite a few people are following but I did not know that 55 people atleast looked at the blog today :) and 12,000 since I started it alittle over 4 months ago! Makes it all worth the few minutes I take to write a little blurp! And I'll admit! Its kind of relaxing for me!

Thursday when we brought her to the Dr. she weighed 6lbs 10oz. So now being Sunday Funday I'm sure she is around 6lbs 13-14oz. Hard to believe she should reach 7lbs this week! Their goal is for her to put on an ounce a day. So every 16 days she should gain a pound! But my little chunker surprised me!!! I fed her 60ml (2oz) at 4pm and between 4-6pm she ended up taking 4oz total (120ml) That is impressive for her!!! She just couldnt get enough! We didnt even force her to eat she got so mad when we took it away! But speaking of eating, Little Miss must sense I'm talking about her and she wants to eat now! Motherhood is calling...............

Dispatcher Visit

So today we took Brielle to the Dr. after a home nurse visit. She thought Brielle was breathing to shallow and gained too much weight over night (3oz) so she thought she was retaining fluid & she was so fatigue & needing a few more Os. So we went into Dr. Kraniks office right away for a chest Xray and exam just in case. And as I suspected, She was just wore out and eating like a champ! She was SOOO crabby yesterday and was working on a big poo alll day she barely slept at all! So she just wore herself out! But like Dr said, it was better for us just to come in and check it off rather just say "We know its Brielle, and shes just tired" He figured that too but shes not like a "normal" baby. Shes more "fragile" as he says. She needs the little bit of extra monitoring and care. He said that as Nicu graduate parents we have a "Free Pass" He will fit us in his schedule any day we have concern. he does not want to see us back in the NICU as well as we dont want to go back!! But dont ask Brielle her opinion!! We tried telling her that she can just cooperate but like Dr. Kranik said, he has already learned to "not trust" her and hes only met her 3 times. Boy O Boy does she make an impression quickly!!! hehe

We went to meet our dispatcher that helped us save Brielle a week ago today! Her name is Jennifer Echols. She was so happy to meet Brielle and told Josh and I how great of a job we did that night! She said if she would have had to calm me down to talk to her Brielle might not be here. I also learned a quite scary statistic. She is nominated for a "life saver" award. In 7 years there have only been 3 issued. You read right THREE!! When anyone goes PNB (patient not breathing) they are usually too far gone and dont get revived. So when a dispatcher helps revive a critical patient they are honored with this life saver reward. It was honestly pretty shocking to hear how close Brielle was to death. And hearing it from a complete stranger that deals with it day in and day out really hit us hard! Josh was speechless and couldnt even utter a word! I'm greatful for all the quick responses we got that night and greatful for the outcome! We are going to send a thank you card also to the Freedom First Responders that were on scene so quickly!! We can not thank everyone who has touch our lives in some way shape or form unfortunately! I wish we could! We have our miracle that we love sooo much! From the OB nurses and Dr. Ramsey. To the NICU Drs Katie, Abe and Debbie. To the MANY NICU nurses! To now the at home nurses, Dr Kranik and now the first responders and Gold Cross ambulance. The list is HUGE!! And they all contributed some way to give us our precious little miss Brielle!! Thank you!

Brielles home AGAIN

Brielle came home today around 4pm. She is now on caffeine once a day. Shes soo much like her dad! She needs her morning mt. dew!! Just like Dr. Debbie says...She looks like her mother and acts like her father :) She is on 1/16 of oxygen which is pretty low! lowest we've been able to get her yet! Her sats are 98 but her heart rates been low all day. Its 120 right now. Shes usually like 150s. She was that way in the hospital so they didnt seem to concerned about it. But I dont want to wean her oxygen too fast and make her crash. So we will just leave her for awhile and let her get used to being home. She was swinging in her swing when we got home and she liked that for awhile! Then I just layed her on the couch to sleep and she liked that even better. The dogs are crazy all over trying to get used to her. Think they've never seen her! Daddys enjoying snuggling on the couch right now with her. Tonights spa day! Were trying to settle back into our routine as "A family".